Drive safely or I will be forced to murder your goldfish :)

I drive around Russia murdering mammoths and unsafe drivers with a military tank cannon. My name is Jack Mehoff, relative of Mike Roch(aka olympicfirehazard). Listen to some of my adventures.

I was huntin yesterday and some deers killed my grandma. Then i was like " Oh my god, you killed grandma." Then a random hick said " You bastards." I was like woah.

My next story starts in Alabama and ends in Kansas. I was sleepin one day then I woke up in Kansas the next morinin and some chipmunks attacked a military base. There were over 40000 casualties.

My next story is short. The next 4 weeks I gained 600 lbs. Then I crapped it all out the next mornin.

My next story is sad. My mom slapped me seventeen times. The next mornin I ran away to Hickland. All the Hicks rode cows around and when the cows took a shiznit, they would all rush over to eat it. Nutrients i guess. Then a tree called me over. I said word. Tree looked sad so i slapped it a few times. It was happy. Then Mongolians invaded Hickland and killed all the trees. I was like west side and then i said "You god damn Mongolians, thats the last time you invade Hickland". Then a random hick said "You bastards". I was like woah. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom doing Snoop Dog. My mom later died of aids. I was like yay. Word.

I was walkin through the park yesterday and I saw a rabbit. I was like "Hey there little fella. you want some carrots or somethin". He was like "east side." Then I was like " woah I dont do business with rabbits from the east side." Then the rabbit drew a sword. I drew mine. We fought to the death. My arm was missing. I won though." Thats what happens to rabbits from the east side."

Aight, my next story is gangsterific. I was playing baseball when a retarded dude came up on his harley. He sounded retarded so I was like "Yo whatiznat upizzle". He was like "OOOOOOOO". Then I was like woah. Then he said "I don't wanna die." I was tryin to be nice so I said "Me neither." Then he said "I just wanna ride my mooooo. I just wanna ride my mototcy. I just wanna ride my motorcy...........cle." Then I was like "Are you done yet you filthy pile o' dog ____. Go Charizard! Die you annoying bastard! Charizard attack with flamethrower!"Then the hicks smelled the burning carcas and departed from Hickland. They arrived a few minutes later and ate the burning motorcycleman. Then they ate the motorcycle. A chirpping sound was then heard and gas grenades were thrown in our direction. The chipmunks then attacked commando style with their little machine guns and tanks. All of Hickland was destroyed, and I'm lucky to be alive.